Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
