Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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