Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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