remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
