we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
