I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
