A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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