whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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