I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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