Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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