I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
