Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
love makes seman taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize