The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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