walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're a waste of cheezeits
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
