ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
