she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
