We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
