I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
