There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
