he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
