she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
