somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
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I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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