yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
