I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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