What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
