he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY