A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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