So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
