so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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