maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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