Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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