he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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