if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
