This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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