You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
