he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
