I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
