i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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