White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
