There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
