woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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