omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
