he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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