My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
