If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Mom said you looked used
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
