I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
