But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
