He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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