Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
