i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
