Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
