the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You have to summon your inner elephant
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
