I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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