He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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