I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
