You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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