Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
