I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
