It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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