i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
