ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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