very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if only i could text you this smell
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
