just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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