Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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