i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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