Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
