I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
