$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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