Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
