I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
