i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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