proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize