In the future we'll all be gay
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
