Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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