good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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