I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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