my sisters under your porch take her home
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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